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Sunday, January 2, 2011

Finding lost passions!!

Have you ever lost your passion for something? I used to be so passionate about so many things and somehow I lost a lot of those things that used to light a fire in my soul. In some ways there was still a flicker, a yearning for these things but I let life get in the way, I let so many things smother the flames until they were nothing more than smoldering ash. I was the queen of procrastination and excuses as to why I had let these passions fade. Whether it was I don't feel good today so I'll do it when I feel better, or I'm not good at it anymore, it's been to long, or some other embarrassing reason. Two of my greatest passions, playing piano and writing I have let slip away and although I keep the occasional online blog I found I don't actually write much anymore. I used to love writing poetry, and keeping a journal and haven't put pen to paper in such a long time. Playing the piano was something that I was never great at but I loved it, self taught I learned by copying what I heard or by reading through some of my mother's teaching books as a kid. As I got older the love for it was still there, but something always got in the way of me really learning anything and advancing as a piano player! Since this transformation began I'm noticing so many shifts in my personality, my thinking, how I relate and communicate with others and my desire for things has changed. To say that every fiber of my being has been affected by this journey would be the understatement of a lifetime! As the pounds drop I notice myself becoming a different person, or maybe it's me becoming the person I'm supposed to be, either way I hardly recognize me! Of course I look like me, sound like me but there are things that are surfacing that I never thought would be...well me! There are things about me that I remember that I'm now seeing again, like a best friend who's been out of touch for years but is now back! It sounds strange but I feel things again, not just feeling but FEELING, with my soul. I didn't realize how much I had let my love for life get away from me. My husband has always supported my passions whatever they may be at the moment and has always encouraged me to pursue them. This Christmas/Birthday he blew me away and has brought two of my greatest passions back into my life. He surprised me with a journal and a piano with the hopes that this transformation I've been going through would inspire me to reconnect with some of the things I love to do! It's like he's in my head when I'm secretly wishing I had a really nice journal and a piano to play again. I had forgotten so much about playing the piano it was almost embarrassing, some songs I could play well and others...not so much!  Instead of giving up or getting frustrated like usual I decided that it was time I relearned what I had lost. The piano has always been an escape for me, a stress release and writing is as well, it's how I share my thoughts, my story, it's how the mess in my mind comes unraveled! I'm finding old passions again and discovering new ones every day and it's an amazingly freeing feeling! The intensity I always dreamed, thought, wrote about is now becoming who I am and as scary as that is, with God's help and a lot of patience I will embrace who I'm becoming and trust that it's who I am supposed to be!

1 comment:

Lil Moon (Someday) said...

I have to comment on this. I also used to have lots of things I was passionate about. Singing was one of them... I actually got a vocal performance degree. I found that after years of taking voice lessons-you know, they break you down and you have to build yourself out-I no longer liked to sing, never mind LOVE it. So I quit. that was four years ago. I still don't like it that much.

I make jewelry now and I enjoy this. I am not taking classes or trying to get a degree in it. I am leaving it for something I enjoy!