Monday, March 28, 2011
One year later!
WOW!! I can't believe it's already been a year since having Weight Loss Surgery! This last year has gone by a lot quicker than I thought it would! It hasn't been easy at all and as I look back on this past year I'm grateful for all the changes! I've grown in so many ways while shrinking at the same time! As I sit here and reflect on where my life is and where it's headed I get an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love! I couldn't have gotten where I am today without God's grace and the love and support of the amazing people in my life both in my inner circles and the online communities! I've learned so much about who I am and who I want to be and although it's a daily struggle to move beyond years of mental conditioning, I have faith that I'll always be where I need to be because I'm not alone! Some would say that I took the easy way out and to them I say unless you've lived this life, you have NO idea! It's been rewarding sure, but it's also been the biggest fight of my 29 yr existance. I'm really learning to love myself for the first time and I'm really starting to believe that I deserve all the happiness God has in store for my life. I look at myself in the mirror and am beginning to see someone worth while, someone who deserves to be healthy, someone who has the passion and the desire to live life the way I'm supposed to live life. I've always had an internal hunger for more in my life but never felt like I was strong enough or good enough to go after and achieve more. Always standing on the outside looking in, dreaming, wishing life could be something greater than what I had settled for. I've been given a second chance at life, the opportunity to step up and move, live life instead of watching it pass me by. I've always had this deep feeling that God had more in store for me, I just wasn't letting him show me what it was! I've said it before, this is SO much more than a physical journey! Every fiber of my being has been shaken to the core and it's downright uncomfortable at times because I'm somewhere I've never been before and that scares the shit out of me! Fighting those old comfortable feelings, thoughts, habits and pushing beyond my personal comfort zone is absolutely a struggle, but the more I push beyond those feelings and thoughts the more I long to keep pushing, even when they push back. I've been seeing a therapist for a while as I adjust to the changes and face head on the issues that have in the past held me back. It's raw, it's uncomfortable, but I know that I can't grow unless I clear out the junk that's holding me back, keeping me from growing like I should be. I've been through a lot in my life and God's gotten me through some really serious struggles and I have faith and trust that as I continue my journey God's going to be right there along with my wonderful husband and amazing family and friends! As I celebrate a year since my life was saved I get to be there as my husband begins his journey to better health and a better life! I get to take care of him as he has taken care of me since the day we met! God only knows what's next and I'm anxious and excited to see where he leads us. We are planning on starting our family soon and as we both continue on the journey to better overall wellbeing, I see great things happening! Today I will challenge myself to look in the mirror and see myself as God sees me, love myself as God and others love me! I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm starting to think that's perfectly OK!!